Dear Hot Mess Mom


By Morgan Starr from Rookie Mommy Raising Boys


I run into you everywhere I go. I see you digging through your diaper bag, looking for your wallet at the grocery store checkout counter as a toddler tries to climb out of your cart. I notice you frantically chasing after one of your kids as he rushes toward the street while you’re out on a walk. I hear you calling your child by the wrong name, running through a whole list, including the dog, before you get to the right one. And I commiserate with the frustration on your face as you realize you forgot something you needed at home, whether it’s snacks for the kids, your checkbook, or your cell phone.

I’m able to recognize you with ease, because I am you. We are one in the same: soul sisters, bonded together by the chaos that is motherhood. And I have a few things to say to you.

First, I want to make it very clear that I know it’s not always like this—you’re not always like this. You have moments where you’re 110% organized; where all of your ducks are in a row, so to speak; where you’ve not only packed every single thing that you need in that diaper bag, but you’ve also brought along individually labeled snacks for each child and spare clothes just in case of an accident—you have with you basically any other item a mom on the go could possibly need. You’re not always the hot mess mom; you just have your moments where things become a little too rushed, where the kids go a little too haywire, and you’re left looking disheveled and sounding like you’re about to lose your mind.

But those are the moments I love you the most.

I love to see you at the height of your hot mess mom moment (as much as you may hate those moments) because it shows me that I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who gets frazzled at the checkout counter, or whose kids can’t seem to stay in one spot without taking off at a full sprint, or who forgets to pack the most important item in the diaper bag. I feel a sense of solidarity when I see you in your hot mess mom glory, and as the expression on your face moves from calm to exasperated at rapid speed, I just want to give you a hug and say, “Thank you. Thank you for being human and reminding me that it’s NOT just me–that we pretty much all have moments like this, and that it doesn’t make me a bad mom.”

I’d tell you this because it’s true. Those hectic moments are a part of parenthood; it’s close to impossible to live out every single day with children in complete and total organization, because sometimes our kids are a little bit too unpredictable. And those hectic moments? They don’t define how “good” we are as mothers. That’s something that cannot be calculated or graded—it’s impossible to rate. What matters is that we’re trying, and even in those “hot mess” mom moments, where we feel like we’re screwing up, we’re still doing our best. And believe me, my fellow hot mess mom, for our kids, that’s more than enough.


Morgan_allRookie Mama Musings: This column is published weekly on Thursdays, by Morgan Starr, right here on the Mama Lovejoy blog. Morgan Starr is a mom of three young boys who is embracing the wild ride of motherhood and learning as she goes. She’s a high school English teacher by day and a writer by night, blogging at You can keep up with her kids’ antics on Facebook and on Twitter. For more information on the Rookie Mama Musings column, please visit the Rookie Mama Musings page. If you enjoyed this article and you’d like to see more from Mama Meditations or from Mama Lovejoy, you can follow Mama Lovejoy on Facebook, or @Mamalovejoy1 on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Periscope.

Leave a Reply