By Kara Lawler from Mothering the Divide

Sometimes, we need to crash.

Last night, I was so tired but had a list of things I wanted to accomplish. First, I had to put two kids to bed and in the end, that ends up being over an hour and a half in dark rooms reading, singing, and holding tired kids. I’ve tried it every other way, but for now, and in the stages my kids are in, they need me there to fall asleep. My husband tries, but they both ending up asking for mama. And I try to savor it even as it frustrates me.

First, my daughter finally fell asleep, and by the time it was time for me to put my son to bed, I was so cold and tired. Weeks ago, he moved into the playroom to sleep. My upstairs is completely reflective of the sleep struggles we’ve been experiencing–mattresses here and there and everywhere! If you would’ve told me years ago that our house would look like this, I would never have believed you!

I crawled in with my son, whose bed is now right next to the radiator, and after warming his hands on the radiator, he began to rub my face. Both of us fell asleep immediately.

I awoke two hours later and went to my bedroom to find my husband, fully dressed in his work clothes, lying on the bed. I’ve never seen that before. Ever. All of the lights were on. He was sound asleep. And you know what? I just got in bed, too. I didn’t wash my face or brush my teeth or get a shower. I literally cannot remember the last time I just went to bed without doing a million things. And we slept like that, lights on and everything. I was just too tired to turn them off, which seems ridiculous to me now. At some point, both kids came in bed with us, too.

Friends, sometimes, we need to crash. So give yourself permission to do that, too. There is beauty in letting go. This week, take a rest. Put away your to-do list for one night and enjoy the crash that we sometimes need.

Mama Meditations: This column is published weekly on Sundays, by Kara Lawler, right here on the Mama Lovejoy blog. Kara also writes on her own blog, Mothering the Divide, about the divide that is mothering our children, our spirits, and the sacred. Come, join Kara’s tribe on Facebook or Twitter. For more information on the Mama Meditations column, please visit the Mama Mediations page. If you enjoyed this article and you’d like to see more from Mama Meditations or from Mama Lovejoy, you can follow Mama Lovejoy on Facebook, or @Mamalovejoy1 on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Periscope.