By Karen Johnson
- Do you sometimes cringe when you see your worst qualities passed on to your kids?
- Do you ever get all dolled up for an event, like a wedding, and see yourself in the mirror and think, Damn! Not too shabby for SAHM on the back-half of her 30s! But then you see wedding photos and wonder who the old, flabby chick is at the end… only to realize it’s you?
- Are you often surprised at how hard marriage can be?
- Do you ever wonder if you had too many kids? (Even though on many days, the last one is definitely your favorite?)
- Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever feel sexy again or if that ship has permanently sailed?
- Do you sometimes work out hard for 3 weeks, see noticeable changes, feel good about yourself, and then eat one single bowl of ice cream and instantly look 5 months pregnant?
- Do you yell at your kids too much? Are you ever afraid that your kids will look back on their childhood and remember a mommy who was angry all the time?
- Do you sometimes drink an extra glass of wine at night, knowing you will pay for it the next morning, but do it anyway because you are so desperate to feel 22 again and so desperate to feel free?
- Do you measure your success by how your kids fare in comparison with their peers?
- Did you create a summer bucket list with your kids and then find it in the craft bin, used as scratch paper?
- Do you often feel like you’ve lost yourself, somewhere along the way? Are you afraid of never finding your way back?
- Do you spend a rare afternoon to yourself, a time you could be so productive, binge-watching Netflix and eating fruit snacks and then frantically pick up the house in the last 15 minutes before everyone returns home?
- Do you lay awake at night, shaken to your core, terrified of worst-case-scenario situations involving your kids?
- Are you sometimes painfully bored of the monotony of your life while simultaneously crippled by a fear of change?
- Are you resentful that you are not the fun parent?
- Do you feel trapped?
- Do you miss happy hour?
- Do you often use humor to mask your insecurities?
- Do you often wonder, after your kids are asleep, if they knew how much they were loved today? Do you wish you could wake them up to tell them?
- Do you sometimes make lists like this one and then realize that you are too damn hard on yourself?
You do? Good. Me too.
This post was originally published on The 21st Century SAHM.
Author Bio: Karen Johnson is a former English teacher and now a free-lance writer. Her work has been featured on sites such as Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, Sammiches and Psych Meds, and What the Flicka, among others. She is also a contributor in two anthologies: Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever (and then I had kids!) and What Does It Mean to be White in America? Follow her blog, a cathartic mix of sarcasm, angry mama bear rants, and heartfelt confessions at The 21st Century SAHM, and find her on Facebook and Twitter. This post was originally published on The 21st Century SAHM.